Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
