Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
