Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
love makes seman taste better
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
