i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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