Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
