I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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