Even the bartender felt bad for me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
