It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
