she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
