He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
