i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
