I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
