there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
