My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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