I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
