you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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