six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
