I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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