so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
