he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
