I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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