Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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