And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
