My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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