Dual....:-)
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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