I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
