That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
