totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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