Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
