atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
