hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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