i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Be still, my beating vagina.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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