Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
