There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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