I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
