I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
one might say we're banned from that church
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
