i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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