you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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