I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
