Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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