Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
