Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
