i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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