They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
