Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
