Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
