Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
