I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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