btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
