Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
