Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
